Freaking 3am and i am up, i think the weeks of restlessness are catching up to me.  The whole last month and this month i have been traveling and partying, really treating this like a summer.  i should have been studying, but i guess that's out of the window til October.  I am scheduled to be in party mode til Sept, with the main summer event in mid Sept, i am looking forward to that.

Looking back at last 3, 4 weeks:  i somehow able to meet with two, three groups of friends every week.  example: CSA on friday, canto friends on saturday, hawaii friends on sunday; or packing it so tight like partying til 6am, then waking up at 9am to go to a lunch and a movie with another group, then go back to partying til 3... this past week was great - BD party plus clubbing, then waking up in 3 hrs to go to six flags.  while in between i am either in Corona working 12 to 12, or down in SD driving around and doing training.  i probably tone it down a bit when school starts again, but i am enjoying this moment.

I say this year has been a lot different than last year.  Last year i was overflowing with hopes and opportunities; i felt like i can fly again.  I worked my way to earn my recognition, and proved that i can move to the top.  This year is like all my hopes rammed into a solid wall of reality.  Everything seems to try to stop me, yet i have yet to break down.  somehow i expect the reality to be this cruel, and i no longer have the fear that haunts me.  Maybe i have something i dont want to lose anymore, maybe i have finally moved on.  either way, i aim to break that wall down and let my energy flows through the people around me.

In the matter of love, i get to meet a whole range of girls.  In my eyes, each girl brings a little story of her own.  Each deserves a wonderful life with great people around her.  I will continue to be the entertainer and guardian that i made a vow to, probably the nicest, nerdiest and dorkiest entertainer you will ever see... (i got to get rid of that image XD)  And when i decide who to love, i want to give my all.  She will have my overwhelming love and my unique life story.  but right now, still looking, know what he wants, just try to find one that is compatible both ways.   Now all the restraints are disappearing, i will loosen up and be more playful... wild yet disciplined, how a Jack should be.

Looks like the world doesn't want me to be the sweet guy who takes care of everything, but insists that I go out and make a name for myself. 

I shall obey your wish, but be ready, because my products are meant to exceed your expectation.

Progress of year's goals:
1- Complete, move to secondary objective, -20 lb, double upper strength,
2- 0%, obvious reason
3- Substitute with GRE, Complete, Upgrade to Master Program
4- Delay to '09, dont want to burn the cash that soon
5- Complete, don't know where else i need to go
6- 50%, Modify Japanese to vocab only, impossible to learn conversation
7- Complete, too vague, will drop this one

It is not easy being Jack these days, too many modifications at once are tough on the mind, but there are progresses, just got to tough it up for the next couple years, or five.  What modifications really are there?  Strengthening body/mind, more focus, stronger will, more open, slicker, hotter, stop daydreaming more... final objective is always trying to become a better person.  Being nice and smart and useless alone just don't do it for me...you gotta add self-absorbed, physically impaired, and virtual insane.  Now you got all these lovely qualities, it is gonna take a while to filter them out and add some cooler ones in.   It is an ongoing process, so can't rush, just have to take it one at a time, whenever it comes to the mind.

Lets start with personal skill today.  I must say, i gotta drop that cocky $&%# one of these days.  Don't know where i learn that, but it is a pain.  Blurring out random facts about trivial accomplishment is not healthy for any relationship.  Also, gotta drop the 5 second silence or stare of death, they work in the old movie with blonde chicks, not friends who are not accustom to the freaky silent smile.  (effective countermeasures include a slap in the face and a kick in the nut, i wont take it personal)

Then comes what kind of topics are good with friends and women.  Obviously, every group of friends talk about different things.  We got asian music, asian drama, anime/manga, basketball, computer, work, school, sex... not kidding... good for blowing water, can't get a real conversation.  Lack of creativity?  cant denied it, or all these "ideas" i have are always filtered by my conscience, which is basically under the teaching of every religion plus family/moral value out there, which means everything comes out a PG-13 with a slight unfiltered obscene word once in a while.  It is tough, i ain't no family guy or any comedian who can crack a joke, all i can do is probably, how you doing? what you been up to?  are you ok now?  can you hear me now? typical typical...

Maybe i do have to start reading some fiction book again, 'cuz management books don't teach you how to be dramatic or funny or romantic... then again, i am reading a fiction (The Road) right now, it is about a man and his son surviving an apocalyptic world, pulitzer prize winner, has to be filled with emotion...

A short message for Vince, I am doing good.  The house idea is still in the air, market is unstable.  I wont deny the down payment is a killer... if you are looking at the housing trend, i dont think i can get anything without a 20% down, i gotta have to ask David for some since he just got his job.  =D  Our big Dave is a software engineer now, making big bucks out there.  Girls wise, i will listen to you, scare them away when they are least expected, right? XD you take care too.

Anyway, all of you take care... hope i dont bore you with my writing... it is a bit *cough*...

Did you know that I install fiber optic cables into a navy ship? bet you can't do that in your lifetime, muhahaha, you are now free to slap me.  =P

Nite